Tag Archives: secrets

Secret Sexuality

2 Nov

If there is anything that is held in secret the most, it would probably be secrets to do with our sexuality. Mainly driven by feelings of shame, humiliation, embarrassment and fear.

We have all been created as sexual beings. There is not escaping this truth. Living life as a sexual being is something we all need to learn how to negotiate and not HIDE.

What sexual secrets are people hiding????

Lustful thoughts
Sexual identity
Promiscuous sexual activity
Cheating on a partner
….Just to name a few.

I’m sure we all know that it’s not that easy to talk about our sexual secrets. We are often scared about what people will think of us when they find out we have a problem – “they will think I’m dirty”, “they will look at me differently”, “they will judge me”, “people will look down on me”. This is a big reason why we keep things in the dark.

We think secrets are safe because no one knows about them. If we put up a front and make everything look great on the outside, no one will know how bad things are on the inside. Right?

Secrets can catch up on us. It will come out in the wash eventually.

When we have a secret that we want to keep hidden, the fear of anyone finding out drives us to spin lies and create cover-up stories to continue to hide our secret.  Ever seen the movie ‘Catch me if you can’? The problem is its so hard to keep up with all the lies that have been created, we end up digging ourselves into a great big hole and the only way to get out is to either get caught out or tell the truth to someone and get help! Getting caught out would not be the preferred by to deal with our sexual secrets. Its more humiliating and embarrassing than telling someone what’s really going on.

You can set yourself free by telling the truth! Find someone you can TRUST (that’s the key!) – a youth leader, a trusted adult, a professional counsellor or health professional. It will need to be someone other than a friend your age. They need to be trustworthy, non-judgemental and can give you some WISDOM and PERSPECTIVE whilst keeping your confidentiality. You don’t need to go public and tell everyone, you just need one person or a select few people you can trust. Get someone to help you stay accountable in getting help and staying on the right track.

You will feel so much better that someone else knows your secret and you don’t have to keep hiding it from everyone. It can be so helpful when your thoughts are out and no festering inside your head.

Please know that none of us are perfect (even if people make out they are). We all need to learn how to navigate our life well as a sexual being. Keep going and don’t give up!

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