Tag Archives: pornography

Don’t be sexualised.

6 Mar

On my way to work everyday, I walk past an advert telling me to detox. Promoting the detox product is a thin blonde girl with large breasts and a tiny waist wearing nothing but a skimpy bikini. The advert tells me I can loose weight and look like this by detoxing. But what it is really telling me is that I need to look like this girl and if I don’t, then I need to detox and loose weight. Basically, I’m not attractive unless I have a body like her…..Gee, thanks for building up my self-esteem!

Everywhere we go, in today’s culture, we are being sexualised. The concerning thing is that we don’t even know it. It has become normal to see sexualised images everywhere. We accept it. We don’t challenge it. Without even consciously knowing it, it is framing our value systems. It is framing the way we see the opposite sex, it is framing our expectations about relationships, it is framing what we wear and the behaviour we need to display to find love and acceptance.

The lie is you have to be sexually attractive to have power, to attract men to you, to be successful. Your intelligence, wisdom, personality, experience, gifts and talents do not mean anything. It’s just about being sexually hot and being sexually ready!

Music in today’s culture is objectifying women and promoting them as sexually ready. Video clips don’t show women saying ‘no’ to sex or not wanting sex – all it promotes is that women and girls are sexually ready.

Lets take Rihanna’s song ‘S&M’

Feels so good being bad
There’s no way I’m turning back
Now the pain is my pleasure
Cause nothing could measure

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling
Leaves me wanting more

Cause I may be bad
But I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air
I don’t care
I love the smell of it

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But chains and whips
Excite me

This song promotes sex and bondage. How can we get a healthy understanding of sexuality when music artists are influencing young people in an unhealthy way – life is all about being bad and using sex as power.

Lily Allen song ‘Its Not Fair’ is another example. The song is about how she has a really great boyfriend but there is just one thing, he is really bad in bed. She explains what they do together in bed and how it’s ‘just not fair.’

What kind of message is this telling their audience? Sex is more important than having a guy that treats you well. Try before you buy, you have to make sure they are good in bed first. Another lie!

Having a good sex life takes work, time, effort and communication. Judging people on their sexual technique cheapens what sex was designed for – intimacy, equality, love, respect, bonding, uniting two people together, celebrating the journey of “two becoming one”, an act that is so beautiful nothing can compare to it. Pornography is no comparison.

Rather than going along with the ‘norm’, I challenge you to think about how our society is influencing our sexuality in an unhealthy way and speak up about it. Lobby below and make a difference.

Collective Shout – http://collectiveshout.org
Kids Free 2B Kids – www.kf2bk.com
Report inappropriate music videos, programs or ads – www.freeTV.com.au

What songs/advertising/magazines do you think portray an unhealthy perspective of sexuality?
How can we address this issue?
Comment below. Let’s start talking about this.


Secret Sexuality

2 Nov

If there is anything that is held in secret the most, it would probably be secrets to do with our sexuality. Mainly driven by feelings of shame, humiliation, embarrassment and fear.

We have all been created as sexual beings. There is not escaping this truth. Living life as a sexual being is something we all need to learn how to negotiate and not HIDE.

What sexual secrets are people hiding????

Lustful thoughts
Sexual identity
Promiscuous sexual activity
Cheating on a partner
….Just to name a few.

I’m sure we all know that it’s not that easy to talk about our sexual secrets. We are often scared about what people will think of us when they find out we have a problem – “they will think I’m dirty”, “they will look at me differently”, “they will judge me”, “people will look down on me”. This is a big reason why we keep things in the dark.

We think secrets are safe because no one knows about them. If we put up a front and make everything look great on the outside, no one will know how bad things are on the inside. Right?

Secrets can catch up on us. It will come out in the wash eventually.

When we have a secret that we want to keep hidden, the fear of anyone finding out drives us to spin lies and create cover-up stories to continue to hide our secret.  Ever seen the movie ‘Catch me if you can’? The problem is its so hard to keep up with all the lies that have been created, we end up digging ourselves into a great big hole and the only way to get out is to either get caught out or tell the truth to someone and get help! Getting caught out would not be the preferred by to deal with our sexual secrets. Its more humiliating and embarrassing than telling someone what’s really going on.

You can set yourself free by telling the truth! Find someone you can TRUST (that’s the key!) – a youth leader, a trusted adult, a professional counsellor or health professional. It will need to be someone other than a friend your age. They need to be trustworthy, non-judgemental and can give you some WISDOM and PERSPECTIVE whilst keeping your confidentiality. You don’t need to go public and tell everyone, you just need one person or a select few people you can trust. Get someone to help you stay accountable in getting help and staying on the right track.

You will feel so much better that someone else knows your secret and you don’t have to keep hiding it from everyone. It can be so helpful when your thoughts are out and no festering inside your head.

Please know that none of us are perfect (even if people make out they are). We all need to learn how to navigate our life well as a sexual being. Keep going and don’t give up!

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