Tag Archives: comparison


5 May

“If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.”

What do I believe in?
What is most important to me?
What do I not want to compromise on?

If you can answer these questions, you will know what you have a conviction about. Or in other words, what you believe in or want for your life.

Lately, I have been thinking about how having a conviction is actually harder to live out than having no conviction about something. See I thought it would be easier if you have a conviction, you know what you want and you just do it.

But I have realised that having a conviction is actually harder to live out than having no conviction. Why? Human nature has this tendency to compare ourselves to others and to want to fit in. This often looks like going with the majority, doing what the crowd is doing and not wanting to stand out. In other words, we don’t want to be different.


We question who we are when we look to others through the eyes of comparison.

Ok so let’s just accept it. Having a conviction requires us to:

Go against the popular thing to do

Rub up against opposition (could be the battle in your head or with other people)

Live true to who you really are

If we don’t stand for what we believe in, we are trying to be someone we are not. There is no freedom in that.

Live out what you really believe & staying true to who you are. This is where we will find true freedom.

We are designed to stand out & make a difference with our lives.

A light in darkness :: contrast :: opposite :: change agent :: freedom

Shine your light. Be you.


Frame Your Life: Part II

11 Oct

Guard your heart

for out of it flows

the issues of life

How do you guard your heart emotionally?

Truth is relationships are emotional. Being with someone or breaking up with someone does affect us emotionally. It only doesn’t affect us when we don’t care about the other person or we are not emotionally involved e.g. we are with them for other reasons aside from emotional connection such as sex.

So what does guarding your heart look like when we are emotionally involved? How emotionally involved we get is the key.


If you have just started dating this guy for a week and you are so into him, you feel its so right you think you two will get married. You start thinking of the dress; you see if his last name goes with your first name, you start imagining what your kids will look like…. I would suggest that you have gone too far. You have gotten TOO emotionally involved TOO soon. What’s so bad about that? Well, say you don’t get married, you break up next week or next month, you are probably going to be a lot more heartbroken than if your mind didn’t go there.

If you “marry” the person in your head before you, he/she,  or your relationship is even ready to go there…. You will be set on making your relationship work even if they are not the right person. That is a lot of hard work.


Hey boy! Hey girl! Do you say ‘I love you’ to every person you date? Why? Do you really love them? What makes your love for them different to the previous person you dated? What is special about this person compared to your ex?

The words ‘I love you’ carry weight; it means something significant to the other person, their heart lights up, they feel loved. Most people associate these 3 wonderful words with ‘unconditional’, ‘always’, ‘forever’. These words carry hope.

These 3 words are not often associated with ‘I thought I loved you but I really didn’t’ or ‘I don’t love you anymore’ or ‘love was just not enough – sorry’.

So next time you say those words, consider why you are saying them. Is it to get something from them or to make you feel better? Are you lonely and want someone to love you back? Do you really mean this now, tomorrow, long term? What makes someone special enough for you to say these 3 significant words?

Love is not just a feeling. We don’t always feel like loving someone. Love is also a choice.


Do you talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend about your ex’s? How much detail do you share?

This stuff is so not helpful for your current relationship. No one wants to know what their partner did with their ex. Why? Because they will always be thinking in the back of their head how is he/she different to me? Am I being compared?

Comparing yourself to your partner’s ex or comparing your partner to your ex will destroy your relationship’s uniqueness. Your current partner needs a fair shot at your friendship and caring for you – they don’t deserve to be compared.


Do you trust completely or are you unable to trust? If you are unable to trust it is most probably because of jealousy or a previous bad experience where someone has betrayed your trust. Does your current partner display signs that you cant trust them or are you just fearful it will happen to you again? If it’s more in your head than in their behaviour, it’s so important that you guard your heart from this fear and not entertain thoughts of jealousy. Talk to your partner or a trusted friend about it and work through it. It’s not worth destroying a relationship over, particularly if he or she can be trusted.

Are you completely trustworthy or not to be trusted? What are you doing to suggest you can or can’t be trusted? E.g. hanging out with other girls one-on-one when you have a girlfriend doesn’t give your girlfriend much confidence in you. Can you trust yourself with such temptation?

Remember – people need to EARN your trust, don’t give it away too easily.


Is hanging out with a person of the opposite sex alone ok when:

(a) you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

(b) you are single & you don’t like the person your hanging out with but you think/know they have feelings for you?

If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, how is hanging out with someone else one-on-one helpful to your relationship? Is it going to put doubt in your partner’s mind? Why would you want to do that? A healthy relationship is based on trust. If you have a great trusting relationship, don’t wreck it.

If you are single & you don’t like the person you’re hanging out with but you think/know they have feelings for you, why are you hanging out with them one-on-one? Are you leading them on only to break their heart when you tell them your not interested?

Do you like the attention? It’s probably not a fair reason to lead someone on & your time could be better spent focusing on being secure within yourself.

I like their friendship. That’s awesome but you can always keep the friendship and avoid the awkwardness or heartache when they know your not interested by hanging out in groups instead. No one likes to know that they were lead on only to be smacked in the face with ‘I don’t like you like that’, especially when they thought you were interested.

Guarding our hearts makes us secure individuals, confident in who we are and our identity.

Stay tuned for Part III.

How else can you guard your heart in relationships? What would you like to know about? Would love to know your thoughts. Comment below or email sexthewholestory@hotmail.com

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