Tag Archives: cheating

Frame Your Life: Part III

23 Oct

Guard your heart

for out of it flows

the issues of life

Frame your life with what you want, don’t let others do it for you.  What your life will look like will depend on what you are willing to let in your life and what you will not accept.

IDENTITY IS NOT JUST ‘US’

Some of us when we get into a relationship can loose who we are. We don’t like what we used to like and we don’t do what we used to do. Our values, goals and vision for our life changes to be like the person we are dating.

Your individual identity is so unique, don’t loose it just because you are in a relationship. You are a person outside of your relationship.

CHEATING

Not a nice word hey. Betrayal. Disloyalty. Deception. Also not nice words. Unfortunately though, it is some people’s reality.

What are you boundaries around cheating? Is it ok if they were sorry? Blind drunk and didn’t know what they were doing? Ok because the other person took advantage of your partner or you? What about if you were on ‘a break’? Or if you don’t get caught, is that ok then?

If he/she cheated on you once, how will you know they won’t do it again? If you were cheated on while you were dating, why wouldn’t it happen when you’re married?

Faithfulness starts while dating & continues on through marriage. Marriage doesn’t fix someone’s faithfulness. It’s an active choice to be faithful.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS

Ever had a friend that’s dropped you to hang out with their new boyfriend/girlfriend Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday! Before they know it….they haven’t spoken to you in weeks! What’s with that?!

You can have the relationship and keep your friends. It’s a choice and a wise choice to make cos what happens if you break up down the track and you have no friends to turn too?

Also, don’t be so insecure that you both have to be joined to the hip. You have goals, dreams, friends, family, education, work, hobbies and interests (just to name a few). There is GOLD inside you. Be confident in who you are as a unique one-of-a-kind individual. If you break up, your world won’t fall apart. There is so much more to you than just your relationship.

SECOND BEST

Why do people settle for second best? They are not prepared to wait for the right person, they don’t believe there is anyone better out there or they don’t believe they will find someone else, they would rather be ‘with someone’ than be alone or they think they can change or fix the person. Whatever the reason, it is generally motivated by personal fears and insecurities.

You are WORTH far more than to just settle for second best! Settling for second best is simply not trusting that there is better out there for you.

To avoid settling – know what you want and be prepared to wait. Go, hang out and get to know people but don’t jump into the first relationship on offer without considering if that person is right for you. View my post on ‘Is this person the ‘right’ one for me?’ for thoughts on knowing if they are the right one.

In the long run, you will be thanking yourself that you waited and are with the right person and happy.

VERBAL & EMOTIONAL GARBAGE

The words we speak have an impact on people’s lives around us. Sometimes we can tend to take for granted and not appreciate the people closest to us. Nevertheless, it’s not an excuse to mistreat people.

Maybe you find yourself in a relationship that is not very encouraging. Things might be great sometimes but other times it can get nasty…you might cop verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Regardless of the circumstance, abuse is NOT ok. It can start with name calling when an argument erupts and can lead to so much more.

If you are experiencing physical abuse, get out of that relationship now! It is not always an easy thing to do, so tell someone and ask for help. Don’t do it alone.

Draw a line on what verbal or emotional abuse you will or will not tolerate. E.g. should a girl accept being called a ‘bitch’ by her boyfriend?

Be aware of what emotional manipulation is. It is playing with your emotions so the other person can get what they want. E.g. “If you don’t have sex with me, you don’t love me.” You can love someone and not have sex with them.

GIRLS should be treated with value, respect and honour. GUYS should be treated with value, respect and honour. There is no difference if you are a guy or a girl. People are incredibly valuable and deserve respect and honour.

SHARING WITH YOUR FRIENDS

What do you tell your friends about your partner or relationship? Be careful how much intimate and personal information you share about your partner. They are telling YOU because they are building a trusting relationship with you. What they tell you is not always for you to tell others. Why break the trust that you have been working hard to build? It’s much harder to build trust back up again when it has been broken. We are often only vulnerable to one or a few people in our lives because we trust them. Don’t take that trust for granted.

& hey, why do we like to bag out our partners ex’s? Or our ex’s new partners? We think it will make us feel better but who really feels good after tearing someone else apart with horrible words. It doesn’t make us look good, in fact we look hurt, insecure or jealous. And here’s another thought, the ‘ex’ could actually be a nice person! Gossip is no conversation builder and doesn’t make anyone feel encouraged or empowered. You can be the bigger person – don’t go there in your conversations.

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