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sex in a text :: sexting

9 Apr

When I started learning about sexting, I thought it was people CHOOSING to post pictures of themselves online in a sexy, provocative manner, half-naked or completely naked. I have come to understand, it is so much more than this.

Image

We live in a cyber world where people’s identities are Facebook, Instagram, Twitter identities and people’s friendships are online more than face-to-face friendships. What we look like online can sometimes become more important than who we really are. We can become obsessed with how many likes or comments we get on our status update or a picture we just posted. The thing with this cyber world is we can say or post things online that we wouldn’t necessarily say or show others in real life. The freedom that an online identity brings can sound great but it can be quite risky.

 

Taking sexual images of yourself and sending them through text or online is dangerous. No one has control of where it will go. You may decide to take the photos down from the Internet site you posted them on, but they still will always be online somewhere. 88% of self-made sexual images (sexual sefies) end up on pornographic websites. Your sexting photos may end up on a porn website. This can have a big impact on your future.

 

If you are taking, sending or receiving naked or sexual pictures of yourself or others & you are under 18 years of age, that is an offence and you can be convicted of child pornography. Depending on the laws in your state you could end up on the sex offenders list which will have a massive impact on your future, especially when looking for jobs.

 

Before you post or share a sexualised picture of yourself or someone else either through text, email or online, please stop and think before you press “send” where this photo may end up. You really have no control on it.

 

Have you experienced sexual harassment or sexual bullying? Research shows that sexting is fast becoming sexual harassment and bullying. Girls are feeling pressured to perform sexual favors even if they don’t want to because that are constantly being asked on a daily basis to perform sexual favours. If girls say no, they are bullied and guys threaten to say horrible things about them publicly to destroy their reputation. If girls say yes to performing sexual favours, guys may take a picture of their online conversation post in on Facebook to show everyone the girls sexual availability. What is also concerning is guys are storing up sexual picture of girls in their phone and using it as a popularity tool, “look at all the girls I can get if I want to”, its all about being approved of by your peers. & this is at the expense of a girl’s sexuality.

 

A message to the girls: You are MORE than being someone’s sex object. You don’t need to display yourself as “sexy” or provocative to be accepted. You are not a commodity to be bought or sold or to be traded by guys to get “ratings” or peer approval. You are an individual with unique value. You are capable, intelligent and able to make a positive impact in people’s lives. Don’t allow anyone to sell you short of that.

 

If you are experiencing sexual violence or bullying, especially through social media, I am strongly encouraging you to talk to someone about it. This is real and it is wrong. Regardless if you or others think it’s harmless. We need this generation to stand up and say enough is enough, we should not have to be sexualised in this way.

 

& if you are a parent or involved in a young person’s life, please create an open conversation for them to talk about their sexuality & their experience in the world they live in. This is your opportunity to speak TRUTH and offer a counter culture message to this hyper sexualised culture we are living in.

 

What do you think about sexting? Comment below.

 

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Things you may not know about Sexually Transmitted Infections

20 Jun

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) are rampant. There are at least 20 different types of STIs identified, with 40,000 new cases of HIV/AIDS each year compared to 4 MILLION new cases of the bacterial infection Chlamydia.

  1. STIs are more common for women than men
  1. Teens are at high risk of contracting an STI due to their lack of knowledge on what sexual behaviour is ‘risky’.
  1. There is no treatment to eliminate Genital Herpes and Genital Warts, only treatment to manage symptoms & minimize/prevent recurrences.
  1. Herpes can increase the risk of the HIV Infection.
  1. Chlamydia (most common & increasing STI) often has no symptoms, known as the ‘silent disease’, which is why it can be left untreated.
  1. STIs left untreated can cause serious health problems & infertility.
  1. Condoms are not entirely effective in preventing STIs . Direct skin contact may result in transmission.
  1. STIs can be passed to a baby before and during birth.
  1. Being infected with an STI can have a significant impact on an individual’s sexuality and relationships.

10. STIs are transmitted through unprotected vaginal, anal or oral sex.

 

There is no such thing as ‘safe sex’. To truly protect yourself from an STI is through abstinence only. If you have been sexually active, a good step forward to protecting your health is to get yourself tested.

 

 

Resources

www.avert.org/

http://www.who.int/topics/sexually_transmitted_infections/en/

http://attainfertility.com/article/std-infertility-part-one

PURE INNOCENCE

17 Jun

Purity…what does it mean to be pure? It’s a question worth asking yourself, particularly in today’s highly sexualised culture.

Maybe how we can live in purity is by discovering what is valuable to us and by discovering that we are valuable human beings.

If you value a diamond ring, you will want to keep it clean, protect it and look after it because it’s valuable to you. In contrast, how do we treat things that are not valuable to us? We throw it around, expose it to whatever, leave it wherever, use it for whatever etc. We don’t give it a second thought because it’s not valuable to us.

How do we keep our sexuality pure?

Often people think it means, just don’t have sex. But I believe its way more than that.

It is how we dress

It is how we behave

It is what we say

It is what we believe

It impacts our decisions, our relationships and the vision for our life.

It impacts how we treat ourselves and how we treat others.

In a world where pure innocence is lost, we need to fight to get it back. We need to challenge our thoughts, behaviours and actions to line up to the truth that every human being is valuable and deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, including ourselves.

How do we live with purity?

Looking beyond a girl wearing clothes that barely cover her butt to see her as someone’s daughter, sister, mother. She is valued, created in His image, in the mind and heart of God before she was ever in her mother’s womb. She has been planned for a good purpose before the beginning of time. She is worth more than the way she dresses.

When someone sends us a pornographic link, living with purity is choosing to not open the link and explaining to that person why you chose not to open it.

Deciding not to take a “selfie” of yourself wearing hardly any clothes and send it to a boy you like in the hope that he will think your hot and want to date you because you want someone who will like you for who you are (personality and all) and not what you look like in a photo.

Choosing not to watch movies with sex scenes in it to avoid being awakened, tempted or exposed sexually, as you know that what you watch can become what you think about and what you think about can become what you may act upon.

What do you think purity is? Let’s get a conversation going. Reply below.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT CONVICTIONS?

5 May

“If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.”

What do I believe in?
What is most important to me?
What do I not want to compromise on?

If you can answer these questions, you will know what you have a conviction about. Or in other words, what you believe in or want for your life.

Lately, I have been thinking about how having a conviction is actually harder to live out than having no conviction about something. See I thought it would be easier if you have a conviction, you know what you want and you just do it.

But I have realised that having a conviction is actually harder to live out than having no conviction. Why? Human nature has this tendency to compare ourselves to others and to want to fit in. This often looks like going with the majority, doing what the crowd is doing and not wanting to stand out. In other words, we don’t want to be different.

 

We question who we are when we look to others through the eyes of comparison.

Ok so let’s just accept it. Having a conviction requires us to:

Go against the popular thing to do

Rub up against opposition (could be the battle in your head or with other people)

Live true to who you really are

If we don’t stand for what we believe in, we are trying to be someone we are not. There is no freedom in that.

Live out what you really believe & staying true to who you are. This is where we will find true freedom.

We are designed to stand out & make a difference with our lives.

A light in darkness :: contrast :: opposite :: change agent :: freedom

Shine your light. Be you.

Girls Talk

6 Aug

 

As a teen, what is it that you wish someone would tell you about sex, dating and relationships?

I recently came across an article by The National Campaign & Seventeen about what girls have to say about sex, love and relationships.

It had some helpful advice that I’m sure many of us past the teen years wished someone told us when we were teenagers! Hope it helps some of you who are going through the wonderful and fun but very challenging “teen” years!

Advice for teen girls

It’s OK to WAIT! It’s okay to be a virgin when you graduate from high school. Don’t give in to the pressure to “get it over with”.

Pressure is real and so is REGRET.

Use protection every time. No excuses!
Getting pregnant, contracting a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STIs) or HIV is not worth the RISK!

Having sex for the first time is a BIG DEAL but it’s rarely a fairytale.
It’s not as glamorous as the movies make out.

Parents are important. Don’t be afraid to talk to them about the personal stuff.
Most girls want to talk to their parents about this stuff during high school and even after finishing school.

Most girls would change something about their romantic lives in high school if they could.
43% who already had sex wished they waited longer.

Don’t do something that makes you uncomfortable just to please a guy.
Set your limit and say no.

You can say no, even if you’ve said yes before.
You don’t have to have sex with someone just because you’ve done it before.

There is no need to stress about falling in love, it will happen someday.

Its better to break up than stay in a relationship that’s bad for you.
You can find better, even if you don’t believe it right now.

Don’t spend your time worry about trying to impress boys.
Spend your time trying to be the best person you can be.

Its important to have guys in your life that you are “just friends” with.

Its not cool to tease someone for not having any or enough sexual experience.

Not EVERYONE is having sex. Less people are having sex than you actually think are.

Most people who “hook up” with someone in the hope that it will turn into something more regret doing so.

Set boundaries when it comes to sex and hooking up. Don’t be influenced or manipulated by the guy, your friends or the environment you are in.

Don’t ever do something you are not comfortable with just to please a guy. You will regret it, especially when that becomes not enough to please him.

Believe in yourself & be confident in who you are!

For more information about the article “Girl Talk” visit http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/pubs/girl-talk.pdf

Screen Your Movies

3 Jan

To anyone out there who would like to know how to screen movies before they watch them, there is a great website that does this for you….. http://www.imdb.com provides detailed descriptions of movies for the viewers benefit.

Scroll down to “PARENTS GUIDE” for a detailed description on Sex & Nudity, Profanity, Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking, Frightening/Intense Scenes. This is way helpful, particularly if you are taking young people to the movies.

It is also an App for ipad and iphone which is free. http://www.imdb.com/apps

There is no excuse now for not knowing about a movie before you watch it 🙂

More to sex than mere skin on skin

18 Sep

When I was a kid, I LOVED Christmas morning. I was so excited about waking up in the morning and running downstairs to the Christmas tree to search for all the presents that had my name on it. My excitement made me not want to go to sleep. If I didn’t sleep, I could open my presents in the middle of the night and not have to wait till the morning. Oh the joy of Christmas morning! The excitement of seeing wrapped gifts with my name on it. The surprise on my face when I opened the gifts. It’s such a wonderful experience. It made me feel so special.

Every one desires to be loved, accepted and to belong. This is universal. It is intrinsic to our human make-up.  We were created for relationship.

Today’s culture is very much a sexualised culture. Sex is expected and assumed when you hook up with someone and especially when you enter into a relationship. But is this type of culture actually healthy for us and our futures? Are the people we are sleeping with even worth what we are giving them?

There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.

Sex is deeply intimate and extremely vulnerable. It joins two people together as one. Sex deepens our love and bond with someone. It is life-creating and extremely relational. It was designed to be experienced in the confines of marriage where the devotion and commitment is for life – the ‘till death do us part’ commitment, the ‘no matter what happens, I’m sticking by your side’ devotion, creating a safe and loving environment for the couple to be completely exposed, vulnerable and intimate. Sex was created to seal and unify a marriage joining the 2 people as 1 – body, soul and spirit. It is the ultimate expression of LOVE. Powerful and completely beautiful!

Now there was a time when I couldn’t wait to see what I was going to get for Christmas. A few weeks before Christmas, I searched the whole house when my parents weren’t home. I knew that had already bought me gifts and I knew they were in the house somewhere. I finally found them in a cupboard. The gifts were already wrapped up with my name on it. This was going to be tricky. I carefully peeled the sticky tape off and slowly opened each side of the present making sure I didn’t rip the paper. It was exciting to see what gifts I was going to receive but once I knew what I was getting, I must admit, I felt a bit bad, a bit guilty, a little cheated that I had wrecked the surprise for myself on Christmas morning. When Christmas morning came, I tried to act surprised like I was opening my gifts for the first time. Truth be told, it just was not as special as it would have been if I didn’t take that sneak peak weeks before.

Our sexuality is a unique gift that we give to another person. Waiting for the right person and giving it to them in a committed, secure, long-term relationship makes the experience so special for both people. Awakening love before the right time can rob you of a beautiful experience and leave you feeling guilty and regretful. Think about this…. when I finally decide I want to spend my life with this person, what have I saved to give them?

Sex comes with an attachment.

After breaking up with my boyfriend that I had sex with, I felt deep rejection and heartache. Even though I knew that breaking up was the right thing to do, I felt a part of me was given to him that I wouldn’t be able to get back…..I was intimate and vulnerable with my boyfriend and from that I developed a strong connection to him. It made it even harder for me to not want to get back with him. I was left feeling unloved and lonely….looking back, I wish I didn’t sleep with him.” Elisa

When we have sex with one person, we get attached to them. We feel deeply connected with them and desire to be with them. Hormones oxytocin and prolactin are released in our brains making us feel a deep union with the person we’re having sex with. This explains why sex is designed in a ‘for-life committed relationship’. Casual sex – ‘friends with benefits’, ‘sex with no strings attached’ is not possible as sex comes with an attachment. We bond with the person we are having sex with and develop a deep connection with them.

Try before you buy. 

If you had a choice between a brand new fragrance or a tester fragrance, which one would you choose? Of course the brand new fragrance! The tester fragrance has been tried out before with many people wearing the fragrance. The brand new bottle has never been used.

 

“If I wait till our wedding night to have sex with my wife, what about if she is crap in bed? Then I will be stuck with her. It makes more sense to me to find out what she is like before I marry her.” Dean

Who wants to be the person “tried out” before bought? It cheapens a person down to their sexual performance and creates comparison. It doesn’t make a person feel special or unique. The gift of sex is cheapened and makes the sexual experience all about self-pleasure. And what about if the person you marry is good in bed but then turns bad? A virgin has nothing to compare their experience to.

A great lover is not just about how experienced they are in the bedroom or how many sexual techniques they can do. What makes a great lover is there ability to satisfy one person for their whole life and to be satisfied by one person for their whole life. To be a great lover requires work – effort, time & a willingness to learn. It requires openness and vulnerability. The sex shown in movies and through the media is fake. No ones sex life is as perfect as the movies portray – that’s why it’s a movie!

Sex can cloud a person’s view of their relationship.  Take sex out of the relationship and you will see what is left. Is it based on a solid foundation or simply mutual pleasure? Mutual pleasure will only last while its convenient.

Sex shouldn’t be a bandaid to fill intimacy. Pursuing the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy leaves us more lonely than ever…. We must treat someone in sexual intimacy like we want to be treated. Remember that you are fooling around with someone else’s future partner.

Our sexuality is valuable. It is a special gift and it is WORTH giving to only one person, in a life-long committed relationship, who will look after, cherish and appreciate it.

Sex and each other need to be treated with the upmost respect.

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