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sex in a text :: sexting

9 Apr

When I started learning about sexting, I thought it was people CHOOSING to post pictures of themselves online in a sexy, provocative manner, half-naked or completely naked. I have come to understand, it is so much more than this.

Image

We live in a cyber world where people’s identities are Facebook, Instagram, Twitter identities and people’s friendships are online more than face-to-face friendships. What we look like online can sometimes become more important than who we really are. We can become obsessed with how many likes or comments we get on our status update or a picture we just posted. The thing with this cyber world is we can say or post things online that we wouldn’t necessarily say or show others in real life. The freedom that an online identity brings can sound great but it can be quite risky.

 

Taking sexual images of yourself and sending them through text or online is dangerous. No one has control of where it will go. You may decide to take the photos down from the Internet site you posted them on, but they still will always be online somewhere. 88% of self-made sexual images (sexual sefies) end up on pornographic websites. Your sexting photos may end up on a porn website. This can have a big impact on your future.

 

If you are taking, sending or receiving naked or sexual pictures of yourself or others & you are under 18 years of age, that is an offence and you can be convicted of child pornography. Depending on the laws in your state you could end up on the sex offenders list which will have a massive impact on your future, especially when looking for jobs.

 

Before you post or share a sexualised picture of yourself or someone else either through text, email or online, please stop and think before you press “send” where this photo may end up. You really have no control on it.

 

Have you experienced sexual harassment or sexual bullying? Research shows that sexting is fast becoming sexual harassment and bullying. Girls are feeling pressured to perform sexual favors even if they don’t want to because that are constantly being asked on a daily basis to perform sexual favours. If girls say no, they are bullied and guys threaten to say horrible things about them publicly to destroy their reputation. If girls say yes to performing sexual favours, guys may take a picture of their online conversation post in on Facebook to show everyone the girls sexual availability. What is also concerning is guys are storing up sexual picture of girls in their phone and using it as a popularity tool, “look at all the girls I can get if I want to”, its all about being approved of by your peers. & this is at the expense of a girl’s sexuality.

 

A message to the girls: You are MORE than being someone’s sex object. You don’t need to display yourself as “sexy” or provocative to be accepted. You are not a commodity to be bought or sold or to be traded by guys to get “ratings” or peer approval. You are an individual with unique value. You are capable, intelligent and able to make a positive impact in people’s lives. Don’t allow anyone to sell you short of that.

 

If you are experiencing sexual violence or bullying, especially through social media, I am strongly encouraging you to talk to someone about it. This is real and it is wrong. Regardless if you or others think it’s harmless. We need this generation to stand up and say enough is enough, we should not have to be sexualised in this way.

 

& if you are a parent or involved in a young person’s life, please create an open conversation for them to talk about their sexuality & their experience in the world they live in. This is your opportunity to speak TRUTH and offer a counter culture message to this hyper sexualised culture we are living in.

 

What do you think about sexting? Comment below.

 

Things you may not know about Sexually Transmitted Infections

20 Jun

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) are rampant. There are at least 20 different types of STIs identified, with 40,000 new cases of HIV/AIDS each year compared to 4 MILLION new cases of the bacterial infection Chlamydia.

  1. STIs are more common for women than men
  1. Teens are at high risk of contracting an STI due to their lack of knowledge on what sexual behaviour is ‘risky’.
  1. There is no treatment to eliminate Genital Herpes and Genital Warts, only treatment to manage symptoms & minimize/prevent recurrences.
  1. Herpes can increase the risk of the HIV Infection.
  1. Chlamydia (most common & increasing STI) often has no symptoms, known as the ‘silent disease’, which is why it can be left untreated.
  1. STIs left untreated can cause serious health problems & infertility.
  1. Condoms are not entirely effective in preventing STIs . Direct skin contact may result in transmission.
  1. STIs can be passed to a baby before and during birth.
  1. Being infected with an STI can have a significant impact on an individual’s sexuality and relationships.

10. STIs are transmitted through unprotected vaginal, anal or oral sex.

 

There is no such thing as ‘safe sex’. To truly protect yourself from an STI is through abstinence only. If you have been sexually active, a good step forward to protecting your health is to get yourself tested.

 

 

Resources

www.avert.org/

http://www.who.int/topics/sexually_transmitted_infections/en/

http://attainfertility.com/article/std-infertility-part-one

PURE INNOCENCE

17 Jun

Purity…what does it mean to be pure? It’s a question worth asking yourself, particularly in today’s highly sexualised culture.

Maybe how we can live in purity is by discovering what is valuable to us and by discovering that we are valuable human beings.

If you value a diamond ring, you will want to keep it clean, protect it and look after it because it’s valuable to you. In contrast, how do we treat things that are not valuable to us? We throw it around, expose it to whatever, leave it wherever, use it for whatever etc. We don’t give it a second thought because it’s not valuable to us.

How do we keep our sexuality pure?

Often people think it means, just don’t have sex. But I believe its way more than that.

It is how we dress

It is how we behave

It is what we say

It is what we believe

It impacts our decisions, our relationships and the vision for our life.

It impacts how we treat ourselves and how we treat others.

In a world where pure innocence is lost, we need to fight to get it back. We need to challenge our thoughts, behaviours and actions to line up to the truth that every human being is valuable and deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, including ourselves.

How do we live with purity?

Looking beyond a girl wearing clothes that barely cover her butt to see her as someone’s daughter, sister, mother. She is valued, created in His image, in the mind and heart of God before she was ever in her mother’s womb. She has been planned for a good purpose before the beginning of time. She is worth more than the way she dresses.

When someone sends us a pornographic link, living with purity is choosing to not open the link and explaining to that person why you chose not to open it.

Deciding not to take a “selfie” of yourself wearing hardly any clothes and send it to a boy you like in the hope that he will think your hot and want to date you because you want someone who will like you for who you are (personality and all) and not what you look like in a photo.

Choosing not to watch movies with sex scenes in it to avoid being awakened, tempted or exposed sexually, as you know that what you watch can become what you think about and what you think about can become what you may act upon.

What do you think purity is? Let’s get a conversation going. Reply below.

Girls Talk

6 Aug

 

As a teen, what is it that you wish someone would tell you about sex, dating and relationships?

I recently came across an article by The National Campaign & Seventeen about what girls have to say about sex, love and relationships.

It had some helpful advice that I’m sure many of us past the teen years wished someone told us when we were teenagers! Hope it helps some of you who are going through the wonderful and fun but very challenging “teen” years!

Advice for teen girls

It’s OK to WAIT! It’s okay to be a virgin when you graduate from high school. Don’t give in to the pressure to “get it over with”.

Pressure is real and so is REGRET.

Use protection every time. No excuses!
Getting pregnant, contracting a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STIs) or HIV is not worth the RISK!

Having sex for the first time is a BIG DEAL but it’s rarely a fairytale.
It’s not as glamorous as the movies make out.

Parents are important. Don’t be afraid to talk to them about the personal stuff.
Most girls want to talk to their parents about this stuff during high school and even after finishing school.

Most girls would change something about their romantic lives in high school if they could.
43% who already had sex wished they waited longer.

Don’t do something that makes you uncomfortable just to please a guy.
Set your limit and say no.

You can say no, even if you’ve said yes before.
You don’t have to have sex with someone just because you’ve done it before.

There is no need to stress about falling in love, it will happen someday.

Its better to break up than stay in a relationship that’s bad for you.
You can find better, even if you don’t believe it right now.

Don’t spend your time worry about trying to impress boys.
Spend your time trying to be the best person you can be.

Its important to have guys in your life that you are “just friends” with.

Its not cool to tease someone for not having any or enough sexual experience.

Not EVERYONE is having sex. Less people are having sex than you actually think are.

Most people who “hook up” with someone in the hope that it will turn into something more regret doing so.

Set boundaries when it comes to sex and hooking up. Don’t be influenced or manipulated by the guy, your friends or the environment you are in.

Don’t ever do something you are not comfortable with just to please a guy. You will regret it, especially when that becomes not enough to please him.

Believe in yourself & be confident in who you are!

For more information about the article “Girl Talk” visit http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/pubs/girl-talk.pdf

Don’t be sexualised.

6 Mar

On my way to work everyday, I walk past an advert telling me to detox. Promoting the detox product is a thin blonde girl with large breasts and a tiny waist wearing nothing but a skimpy bikini. The advert tells me I can loose weight and look like this by detoxing. But what it is really telling me is that I need to look like this girl and if I don’t, then I need to detox and loose weight. Basically, I’m not attractive unless I have a body like her…..Gee, thanks for building up my self-esteem!

Everywhere we go, in today’s culture, we are being sexualised. The concerning thing is that we don’t even know it. It has become normal to see sexualised images everywhere. We accept it. We don’t challenge it. Without even consciously knowing it, it is framing our value systems. It is framing the way we see the opposite sex, it is framing our expectations about relationships, it is framing what we wear and the behaviour we need to display to find love and acceptance.

The lie is you have to be sexually attractive to have power, to attract men to you, to be successful. Your intelligence, wisdom, personality, experience, gifts and talents do not mean anything. It’s just about being sexually hot and being sexually ready!

Music in today’s culture is objectifying women and promoting them as sexually ready. Video clips don’t show women saying ‘no’ to sex or not wanting sex – all it promotes is that women and girls are sexually ready.

Lets take Rihanna’s song ‘S&M’

Feels so good being bad
There’s no way I’m turning back
Now the pain is my pleasure
Cause nothing could measure

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling
Leaves me wanting more

Cause I may be bad
But I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air
I don’t care
I love the smell of it

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But chains and whips
Excite me

This song promotes sex and bondage. How can we get a healthy understanding of sexuality when music artists are influencing young people in an unhealthy way – life is all about being bad and using sex as power.

Lily Allen song ‘Its Not Fair’ is another example. The song is about how she has a really great boyfriend but there is just one thing, he is really bad in bed. She explains what they do together in bed and how it’s ‘just not fair.’

What kind of message is this telling their audience? Sex is more important than having a guy that treats you well. Try before you buy, you have to make sure they are good in bed first. Another lie!

Having a good sex life takes work, time, effort and communication. Judging people on their sexual technique cheapens what sex was designed for – intimacy, equality, love, respect, bonding, uniting two people together, celebrating the journey of “two becoming one”, an act that is so beautiful nothing can compare to it. Pornography is no comparison.

Rather than going along with the ‘norm’, I challenge you to think about how our society is influencing our sexuality in an unhealthy way and speak up about it. Lobby below and make a difference.

Collective Shout – http://collectiveshout.org
Kids Free 2B Kids – www.kf2bk.com
Report inappropriate music videos, programs or ads – www.freeTV.com.au

What songs/advertising/magazines do you think portray an unhealthy perspective of sexuality?
How can we address this issue?
Comment below. Let’s start talking about this.

What are you wearing?

21 Jan

Whilst doing my weekly grocery shop, I noticed a girl in front of me cruising the aisles at Coles with her boyfriend dressed in shorts so short her butt cheeks were hanging out! Not something I really want to be seeing while shopping for bread and milk…. then driving through the city the other night on every street I saw girls hitting the town, walking to clubs dressed in the shortest of skirts and the highest of heels. Their legs were accentuated but their walk was awkward and unstable. Every step they took was a struggle. They looked so uncomfortable whilst trying hard to appear cool, confident and sexy. How comfortable can it be walking the city in 10-inch heels? But seriously, nothing was left to a person’s imagination, everything they had, was on display for all to see.

It made me think, do girls even have the slightest idea what message they are portraying? ‘I’m easy!’, ‘Take a look – do you like what you see?’, ‘Yep, I am up for whatever you are thinking’, ‘I’m really off limits but I can flirt with you’
& if they do, why do they not care what message they are giving off?

Let’s be honest, if you value and respect yourself and are confident in who you are as a unique one-of-a-kind individual, you wouldn’t need to dress in a way that cheapens who you really are. Girls, you don’t need to portray yourselves in a way that discounts your true worth – you are a valuable, precious daughter, a treasure worth protecting.

Provocative: tending or serving to provoke, inciting, stimulating, to stir up & arouse.

Dressing provocatively affects guys. It stimulates, stirs up and arouses guys and their sexual obsession takes over their mind and body. If you are wondering why guys only want one thing from you, you might want to think about what you are wearing, how you are acting and what you are speaking. Flirting, throwing yourself at guys and talking about sex all the time will give a certain message to guys. Is that the message you want to give off?

Remember some guys are trying to keep their thought life clean & pure and this can be extremely difficult when your body is on display and in their full view.

Everything about you, including what you wear, sends a message to others about who you really are. Attract people to who you are, not to what you wear.

Your sexuality is valuable. Protect it. Respect yourself. Cover that butt. Hide that cleavage.

“Why I’m not doing it….”

16 Jan

“God designed sex, he believes in sex but God also wants to protect us and not see us hurt.”

“My parents were very open about their past experiences and mistakes they made about their sexuality. They wanted us to learn from their mistakes rather than learn the hard way. Parents honestly want what’s best for us. My parent’s influence on my choice to wait to have sex until I’m married wasn’t forced upon me or shoved in my face. They told me their stories, the good things and their regrets, and I was able to decide myself. I am so thankful they shared their experiences with me.

A lot of my friends were indifferent about when it was okay to have sex. At 15, most of my friends were sexually active. I watched my girl and boy friends regret the sexual relations they had. They thought they loved someone and shared something with their sexual partners that they could never get back. I cannot tell you one friend who did not regret their first time.

At 17, I made the decision to not have sex until I was married. Then I met my first boyfriend and we dated for a year. We decided to not have sex because of our faith but this definitely was not easy to do, especially when all my friends were sexually active.

It wasn’t enough that the bible says ‘not to have sex before marriage’ to be my reason for waiting – I need to find out the whole story for myself. I searched out the scriptures to find out WHY the bible encourages us not to have sex until marriage. God designed sex, he believes in sex but God also wants to protect us and not see us hurt. Sex within marriage is how we can be safe and secure because marriage is designed for the long term.

Sex impacts a person intellectually, emotionally and socially. On top of the risks of picking up a sexually transmitted infection (STIs), getting pregnant or contracting HIV/AIDS, we are chemically connecting with people when we have sex and the more partners we have the less we are able to connect with one person. I would rather wait and form that strong bond with the one person I spend the rest of my life with.

Our sexuality is beautiful but its up to us to learn about it. We are all dealing with the same issues so why not talk about it?”
Cheryl, 22 yrs.

What is your story??? Email sexthewholestory@hotmail.com and let us know if you are comfortable to share it with others through this blog.

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