Is this person the ‘right’ one for me?

30 Aug

Bianca, 17 yrs, dates any guy who shows the slightest interest in her without giving a second thought if he is a great guy or if the relationship is going to work.

Matty, 18 yrs, has a few girls really into him and doesn’t know which one he should date. Does he pick one or date them all to see which one is ‘right’ for him?

Crystal, 24 yrs, hasn’t been in a relationship for years because she believes she hasn’t met anyone right for her. But does she actually know who is ‘right’ for her?

John, 20 yrs, has been in a relationship  with Sarah for a year but is not sure she is the right girl for him.

Ever found yourself thinking “How do I know if this person is the ‘right’ one for me?” or “What should I be looking for in a boyfriend/girlfriend?” Working this out before getting involved with a person can save you time, effort, energy and unnecessary heartache, especially if that person is indeed not the ‘right’ one for you.

So, how do you know? Here are some thoughts to think about….

Does this person bring out the best in me?
People influence us in either positive or negative ways. Some people influence us to step out of our comfort zone and encourage us to do things we never thought we could do. Some people influence us to do things that we don’t feel comfortable doing and may regret later. Stop and ask yourself if this person makes you want to be a better person. Do they inspire you to be the best person you can be? If yes, they could be a keeper.

How well do I know this person?
Sparks are flying, the chemistry is thick, the feeling is amazing and you both want to make it ‘Facebook official’. But how long have you know this person for? A night, a few weeks, a month??? Do you know their last name, their favourite food or anything about their family??? Why is that important?

Building a friendship first is the best way to get to know what a person is all about. Over time you can see how a person does life and how they handle the good, the bad and the tough seasons. When everything goes wrong or they are going through a rough patch, do they run away from their problems or do they face them head on and deal with it in a mature way? A person’s true character comes out over time. Its worth taking the time to find out what they are really like before jumping in headfirst.

What type of a friend is this person to others?
How they treat others is how they will treat you. If they are talking behind their friend’s backs, can you be sure they will not do the same with you? A person who values friendships and spends time investing into their friendships says a lot about how they will be in a relationship. Generosity with your time, words and effort goes a long way.

Sometimes it’s hard to forgive someone, especially if they have hurt you. But have you ever hurt someone and wanted his or her forgiveness? A person who writes off anyone who crosses their path in the wrong way will not have many long-term friends. The more you hang around someone the more chances they have of hurting you. The more chances they have of hurting you, the more opportunities you have to forgive. A relationship can’t last the distance without forgiveness.

Is this person a friend to my destiny?
People you allow into your life will either help or hinder your dreams. Who you hang around is who you will become. Being in a relationship will change you – for the better or the worst. Surrounding yourself with people who are supporting, encouraging and going in the same direction as you is key to achieving your destiny.

You can tell if someone isn’t really supportive about what you are doing. They don’t really show any interest in it or ask how you are going with it. They might persuade you to not go to footy training or the game or try and talk you out of staying home to study for that exam. This person is not a friend to your destiny. All the little decisions that you make, like studying for that exam that doesn’t seem like a big deal at the time, can have a big impact on taking you to where you want to go in the future.

Is this person easy to bring out & socialise with?
Dating is meant to be fun and a time where your social life expands to each other’s friends and family.

Are you worried about taking this person out because they won’t make an effort with your friends and you will have to babysit them all evening? Does this person just want to hang out with you and no one else? If you answered yes to 1 or both of these questions, then overtime your social life will be greatly impacted. This person may make you feel restricted, like you can’t be yourself or talk to who you want. Eventually, you may realise you don’t enjoy being around this person as much as you used to. If your partner doesn’t want you to hang around your friends or family, they are trying to isolate you. This is a BIG sign that your relationship is unhealthy. Get out before what is important to you is compromised to make them happy.

Does this person respect me?
Respect = acceptance & appreciation. To respect someone is to accept and appreciate who they are. It’s also about respecting a person’s decisions, beliefs and values. E.g. if you are feeling pressured to have sex and you don’t want to, your partner is not respecting you. If you are talked about behind your back, your partner is not respecting you.

Are your decisions, beliefs and values respected or is this person trying to change you? Respect is a key ingredient to a healthy relationship.
Looking for the ‘right’ person but haven’t found them yet??? Being single is a great time to focus on YOU. Many young people wish their single days away but you can use this time to focus on becoming the best person you can be – that’s so attractive! Don’t expect anyone to complete you because they can’t even if they tried. Instead, take responsibility for controlling your own destiny, waiting for someone to do it for you is a COMPLETE waste of time! Your life will only drift along unless you make something out of it. A confident person living a life doing what they love is so appealing. This time is precious and it won’t last forever. Give it your best and enjoy the season you are in.

And hey…one last thought. Remember a relationship is not just about you. It’s about putting your partners needs above your own needs. It’s about being selfless in your love, time and energy. If you’re not willing to put someone else’s needs above your own, then you’re not ready for a relationship, so don’t get into one. Stop chasing that guy or girl for their attention and spend that time focusing on you. It will be worth it in the long run.

Love to know your thoughts….post below or email

Have a great week!



6 Responses to “Is this person the ‘right’ one for me?”

  1. river218 August 30, 2011 at 5:31 PM #

    Thanks for listing some clear questions we can ask ourselves! I was kind of wondering how to make sense of who’s a good friend or bf/gf and who’s not, and it makes more sense now. This concept could probably be expanded even a bit more by talking about it with the person instead of just keeping it in the mind. That could actually help the other person improve the relationship – sometimes they aren’t aware that they are contributing negative energy. Like a person who complains a lot might not realize they do it so much, so it is okay to gently point out things like that before writing the person off for good. Overall though it is a great and helpful article.

    • sex: {thewholestory} October 1, 2011 at 12:12 PM #

      Thank you for visiting my site and sharing your thoughts. They are appreciated.

      Very true about pointing out something in a person they might not see for themselves. The key is to take constructive criticism on board and not get defensive.

      Pls visit my site again 🙂

  2. Lolly September 2, 2011 at 12:36 PM #

    Very helpful questions to ask myself. Sometimes it’s hard to ask the hard questions especially when the feelings are there and it’s running in the wrong direction. These kind of questions kinda pull the reigns back in to line and helps avoid problems down the track when you are sitting there in a few years saying “what the hell was i thinking!!!”
    Very helpful!

    • sex: {thewholestory} October 1, 2011 at 12:02 PM #

      Thanks for visiting my site and sharing your thoughts. Its appreciated.

  3. thecoffeevore September 6, 2011 at 12:42 AM #

    Interesting entry. Must read especially for young ones who seems to rush things out in dating.

    • sex: {thewholestory} October 1, 2011 at 12:03 PM #

      Thanks for visiting my site and for sharing your thoughts. Feel free to get the word out amongst the ‘young ones’ 🙂

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